How to Tell if You Have Anger Problems

Have you found yourself feeling angry lately? Maybe you’re angry about something a friend, relative, or other loved one said or did. Or perhaps you’re angry at more remote things, like being angry at the world, angry at political leaders, or angry about the economy. If you’re feeling angry, ask yourself how long you’ve felt that way. These may be signs that you have anger problems.

Anger is a natural emotion that has a place in our lives. Like anything else, too much of it isn’t good for you, so it’s important to be able to tell if you have an anger problem.

When is anger not a problem?

Just about anything can trigger feelings of anger. A few possibilities are:

• A line at the checkout counter is too long.
• Someone cuts you off in traffic.
• Your kids don’t clean up after themselves.
• Your boss gives you an unreasonable deadline.
• You see an injustice.
• Your spouse snubs you.
• You stub your toe.
• Someone makes a joke at your expense.
• You are on the wrong side of favoritism.

All these things can trigger anger.

Anger has many different shades, ranging from annoyance and irritation to full-blown anger that can be described as fury or an anger outburst. You can feel all of these things, and it’s okay to feel them.

Righteous anger is not a problem because it serves a function as an alarm bell that tells you something is not right. Some people don’t want to feel angry because it feels like such a negative experience, nor do they want to express it, but we need to embrace righteous anger and its place in our lives.

When do you have anger problems?

Anger can be a serious problem in many circumstances.

If you find yourself feeling angry most if not all the time, then that’s something to be concerned about. The long-term presence of anger in your life can have serious effects on your physical and mental health.

Consider also, whether your anger is justified as well as proportional. Should you feel furious because your takeout order didn’t come with napkins? Maybe your kids deserve a talking-to for not cleaning up a spill, but should you be shouting at them?

Anger is a problem in your life if it’s for the wrong reasons, if there’s simply too much of it, or if the way you act when you’re feeling angry brings harm either to you or other people. Anger is a problem if it gets in the way of you listening to people, treating them with dignity as beings made in God’s image, or if it prevents you from otherwise loving others and God (James 1: 19-20).

Signs of anger problems

How can you tell if there’s too much anger in your life, and how do you know if you have anger problems that need addressing?

Some of the signs of anger problems are:

• People around you have suggested or said that you have anger issues.
• You regret the things you’ve said or done in anger. You may have destroyed relationships, and might even have gotten in trouble with the law or harmed property or an animal because of uncontrolled anger.
• When you’re angry, you don’t feel in control, and it feels as if something has taken hold of you. You feel afraid of your anger, and you don’t know how to express it safely.
• Anger is almost always present in your life. You feel angry at the slightest provocation, and it’s the predominant emotion in your life.
• You keep your anger bottled up inside, but you deal with it and let people know that you’re angry by giving them the silent treatment, being passive-aggressive, or through self-harm.
• You have health problems, including high blood pressure, cardiac issues, a weakened immune system, depression, or anxiety that can be traced to excessive anger.

How to navigate anger problems well

Anger doesn’t have to dominate your life. There are ways to deal with it effectively and make it work for you, including:

Unplug from social and other media. Sometimes this just gives you fuel for your anger as well as inappropriate models for how to handle anger.

Explore what might lie beneath your anger. Anger is sometimes a smokescreen for feelings of shame, fear, or pain. It may be easier to feel angry than face the reality that you feel vulnerable

Find ways to channel anger in a healthy direction. Use your anger to fuel advocacy, or to find solutions to problems

Forgive and don’t hold grudges. This helps you release your anger.

Learn how to express your anger well. Good communication can help reduce misunderstandings, and help you express yourself effectively without alienating others.

Get help. Anger management counseling can help you understand your anger triggers, expose unhealthy thought patterns, and help you grow in expressing your anger well. Reach out to a counselor on our website and seek help today if anger has you in its grip.